Thank you, all

Dear folks,

I think this will be the last post, in case some of you are still reading it. I thought I would try to write this immediately after the service, but I couldn't find the right words or the energy to write, until today.

Thank you for the astounding number of you who came to Terrie's memorial service. We estimate that there were about 350 - 360 people present; we had to open the back parking lot (which is just dirt) to provide the needed parking, and I know that our shy, gentle Terrie would be amazed that she touched so many lives. I know that the family really appreciated your concern and support.

Truly this service was directed by the Lord. Many of you volunteered to help or suggested something for the service. And the Lord just kept providing and directing people, thoughts, food, services. Here are some of the highlights:

• Since Marisa and Grandma Juanita had enough to deal with, Nancy and Pastor Pierre took the burden of planning and coordinating the service.
• When Marisa's schoolmates and staff realized that Terrie had gone to sleep in the Lord, the Oceanaires (the school choir) offered to sing at the service. Moreover, one of the members of a girls' quartet wrote a song just for Marisa and the quartet sang it at the service for her.
• Violinist and vocalist Beverly Blount rearranged her schedule in order to come perform Amazing Grace at the service -- we didn't know until the last minute whether she would be able to come.
• Linda and Pat found "By Faith I Stand", the song that opened the service, and which sums up so well Terrie's faith in God.
• The photos came from the family and from Sally.
• Sally had bronchitis, so Kirk graciously stepped in at the last minute to write and give the eulogy -- in spite of the fact that we don't know a great deal of Terrie's history.
• Although we had time to read only a few of sentences from the cards you wrote during the service -- Della even wrote a poem for Terrie -- it was very heartwarming for the family to receive your thoughts.
• On the previous Sabbath Debbie began asking people to help provide food for the post-service meal, and people willingly agreed. Some of you even brought more than we'd requested. And when the word went out on the telephone tree, many more of you called Debbie to ask what you could do to help.
• Originally we had planned a meal for 180 people, but so many people called to help that we had food for 220. Now, usually food for 220 does not feed 360 people, but the Lord stretched the food, as He did with the fishes and loaves: Not only did everyone have plenty to eat, but we had 3 lasagnas and 6 loaves of French bread left over!
• Then Lorraine and Jerry decided that the reception should look nice, so they brought tablecloths and all that was needed, and decorated the tables to provide a lovely atmosphere.
• After the meal many of you thought to help clean up in the kitchen, the fellowship hall, and the sanctuary -- and your help made everything go so much faster!
• So many of you stayed to speak with the family that they didn't leave the church until at least 90 minutes after the service -- what a comfort you all have been to them! What a gift you have given them, that they know that they are not alone in their grief.

Our lives and attention will necessarily return to the other tasks and issues that are part of daily living, but I know you will continue to remember Marisa and the rest of the family in prayer, and with occasional visits or cards. Please keep her in prayer, as Marisa's grief will affect her in various ways, for quite awhile. I don't know how Marisa will deal with her grief, but for me, even several months after my mom died, I wouldn't remember things that my husband told me -- he had to sit me down and remind me gently about commitments that we had made (and of which he'd already reminded me 3 times), commitments that I never remembered making or hearing, even after he reminded me. 

If you think of it, Marisa will appreciate receiving your just-thinking-of-you cards or notes even several months from now, and on the holidays or Terrie's or Marisa's birthday. A friend sent me a sympathy card and a note about four months after my mom died, and I really appreciated  it. In her note she just commented that she'd appreciated being remembered in her grief even months afterward, she just wanted me to know she thought Mom was a special lady and that she remembered.

Marisa will continue her school year at Monterey Bay Academy, and will be staying with a friend of the family much of the time. At least some of her weekends will be spent with Grandma Juanita, so there'll be some continuity there.

Thank you for sharing this journey with us. May God bless you all, may you see and feel His mercy for you and yours, and may we all meet again on Resurrection Day, when our Lord comes to receive His own.

Under His mercy,

Marty

What memories do you have of Terrie?

Hi, all,

As we were thinking of the memorial service, we realized that none of us know much about Terrie's life before we met her. If any of you would like to share your memories of Terrie for a keepsake for Marisa, you may email me whatever you'd like to share.

You may send cards to 

Marisa Fry

801 Nash Rd, A1

Hollister, CA 95023

Please do not send flowers to the house; it's a rather compact dwelling. Instead, please send them to the church for the memorial service at the address in the previous post. When sending flowers for the service, please let the florist know that there will be no one at the church to receive the deliveries until an hour or so before the service. 

I'll try to post more, later, as things get sorted out, or as the need arises. God bless you all!

Under His mercy,

Marty

Terrie's Memorial Service

Hi, all,

Grandma Juanita will be staying with Marisa this week. Marisa's dad is returning home as I write this; Marisa's aunt and uncle will return home tomorrow.

The memorial service will be held next Friday, April 4th, at 4:30 p.m. at the

Hollister Seventh-day Adventist Church

2121 Sunnyslope Rd

Hollister

(831) 637-5506

The church is one block away from the intersection of Fairview and Sunnyslope. For those of you who are less familiar with Hollister, Sunnyslope is also known as Tres Piños or as Nash Road, depending on where you are on that road. The name tells you which section you're on.

We are currently planning to reserve some time during the service for friends and family to share what they think of Terrie. For those of you who wish to give a brief tribute to Terrie, try to take this week and write out what you'd like to say. If you'd like to share something but don't want to actually speak in front of everyone, write what you'd like to say and we'll have someone read it for you. Please make your comments brief -- no more than 3 minutes -- so that there'll be time for everyone to participate if they wish.

Please come and join us next Friday; this service will be a time for us to find closure -- to grieve together, to encourage and support each other, and to remember the Terrie we love.

This is the information I have now. Please check back throughout the next week for more information, which I will post when I have it. I'm sure I haven't thought of everything, so, should you have any questions, you may email me. and I'll answer them as the information surfaces.

God bless you all!

Under His mercy,

Marty

Terrie died today

Hi, all;

Shortly after 11 a.m. this morning, Terrie passed away at Mabie Northside.

Please keep her family and loved ones in your prayers.

There will be a memorial service next Friday, April 4, at the Hollister SDA Church, 2121 Sunnyslope Road, near its intersection with Fairview Road in Hollister.

Please check this blog later this evening for more, or any changed, information.

Steve Hix for Marty

Hi, all,

Marisa and Grandma Juanita are back; they arrived this afternoon.

The doctor is trying a different medication, to see if it will control the pain and still allow Terrie to be awake and responsive. When I visited her tonight, she was more active than she was last night. She seemed to respond to our voices, especially to people she's known awhile. Sometimes her eyelids fluttered, but she couldn't keep them open. She'd groan and stir, sometimes lifting her arms, and then the movement would stop.

Terrie's looking jaundiced, which means that her liver is shutting down. She's also much more edamatous (bloated) because her kidneys and/or her circulatory system are/is shutting down. 

If you're like me and need a little guidance about what to do if you go visit Terrie, here are some suggestions, gleaned from experience: Talk to her and tell her all the things you want her to know -- say all the things that you want her to hear, because she can still hear you -- even if she does not seem to respond to what you're saying. If you like, you can stroke her arms very gently and lightly; before she returned to the hospital she liked to have someone stroke her arms because that made them hurt less. 

If Marisa or Grandma Juanita are there when you go, be sensitive to their needs and remember that this is their time with Terrie, too. If it seems appropriate you might tell them what you think of Terrie, but be careful to use the present tense, not the past tense -- I know it helped me when my mom died, and people told me how wonderful she was, and how we kids had made her proud.

And remember that Terrie can still hear you, so speak encouragingly, even when you're talking to other people in the room.

God bless you all.

Under His mercy,

Marty

Today's postscript

Hi, all,

I've been intending to tell you how impressed I am by the number of people who have come to visit Terrie while she's been in the hospital, and by the tenderness you've shown her. Whenever I've gone to visit her someone -- or several someones -- are already there or arrive shortly after I do. You've visited with her, even if you (like me) haven't been able to carry on an extended conversation with her. You've brought flowers, plants, things to do, something to read. 

And it's been a real joy to be able to watch you with her. Each one of you has enriched Terrie and has given her so much. And a few of you, like Elidia and Nancie L., are so tender and thoughtful that it is a real privilege to watch you with her. I myself am not the best sick room comforter; I don't chat easily, and I seldom, if ever, think of the little attentions to her needs and comfort. 

Thank you for the love you are pouring out to her. God bless you all!

Under His mercy,

Marty

Terrie's current condition

Hi, all,

On Monday night Terrie did not recognize two very good friends but was able to speak with them intermittently. Yesterday the doctor and staff administered stronger medications, as Terrie was in a great deal of pain. As a result, she spent the day sleeping. Over the next day or so, the doctor hopes to reduce the medication just enough so that it will control the pain but will still allow Terrie to stay  awake. According to the palliative pain nurse, there may be "a small window" (I think she means a small range) where that would be possible.

Grandma Juanita, Auntie Deon, and Marisa were on their way back yesterday, but had not arrived by the time I had to leave. The facility granted permission for friends and family to stay with Terrie, so her good friend Nancie L. was going to stay with her all night, so she would not be alone.

When I return tonight I'll let you know what else has happened.

Under His mercy,

Marty